Temporary suspension from something usually terrible that's inevitably gonna happen. That's what I think of when I hear the word, "reprieve."
I want "reprieve." I want a break. I want a chance to take a breath. I want to release. I want a rest. I want a break. Surely the outcome of this world is uncertain & only certain that we will be reunited with God in Heaven. But the outcome is still an end & still a doom of some kind. Death can be seen as a doom. Only if you don't believe in God & His promise, & accept His gift. Yet, there is still this journey to be reckoned with. A journey never easy & not without it's twists & turns. This journey I'm on? I have no idea where I'm headed or what I'm doing. I try to live each day as it comes. I try to plan on the next day & next. It gets hard to plan for things in advance because I don't live in that perspective anymore. I guess I sound like I have nothing much to live for. I guess I don't. Wow, this sudden need for reprieve has me recognizing I may have nothing to live for; which I guess is indicative by my lack of motivation and absence of goals in life. If you were to ask me, "what do you live for?" I truly can't say it's for a person, place or thing. I guess the only thing I live for is whatever God has for me today. For His reason, today I'm alive....because I serve a purpose for Him. That's enough for me. Actually, that is enough period. I don't live for my parents; they may or may not out live me, they don't need me & they've been on their path together. I don't live for my brother or "siblings;" they don't need me, they can live without me. Honestly, this world could live without me. I'm not a president/prime minister/emperor of some place that needs my voice & wisdom to lead them. I'm not a judge who sometimes decides the fate of a person. I'm not a doctor, who uses their wisdom & techniques to decide on the best course of a person's ability to live. I'm not a pastor, who helps guide a person's faith so they may find peace, joy & reprieve from the world of sin. I'm just me.
Back to "reprieve." I'm just tired of the usual hum-drum of my life...or the tension/turmoil/uncertainties/anguish that surround me. I get reprieve here & there. But it's never long enough to be felt & appreciated. Am I really where God wants me to be? Am I doing what He wants me to do? Or am I just being overly-analyzing in wondering? Or overly-passive in my understanding? I don't know. I guess I need wisdom. It would be nice to have "reprieve" so I can figure it out. Haha.
