I AM WITH YOU

Taken from the devotional I'm reading called "Jesus Calling:  Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young.  February 18.

I AM WITH YOU.  These four words are like a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair.  Because you are human, you will always have ups and downs in your life experience.  But the promise of My Presence limits how far down you can go.  Sometimes you may feel as if you are in a free fall, when people or things you had counted on let you down.  Yet as soon as you remember that I am with you, your perspective changes radically.  Instead of bemoaning your circumstances, you can look to Me for help.  You recall that not only am I with you, I am holding you by your right hand.  I guide you with My counsel, and after ward I will take you into Glory.  This is exactly the perspective you need:  the reassurance of My Presence, and the glorious hope of heaven.

I felt this was appropriate to write because just as God has His time, He couldn't have been more perfect in sharing words that would relate to what I have just experienced...and to now have words to share with a soul that is struggling.  I remember the time I spent purging my heart of an unhealthy love & feeling.  It was painful, sorrowful, gut-wrenching, nauseating, lifeless, lost & very dark.  But in all of that, I do remember that God was there, as He still is, listening to all my rantings, screams, whispers, thoughts-wiping all my tears-comforting my weary body-restoring my broken soul.  Because of His unfailing presence & love, I was restored & renewed.  Tho life still throws curve-balls & fast balls at me & around me, I am more able to take them as they come.  I'm prayerful for my friend to find the peace I have come to find.  Mine is my own tho,that God has granted me through OUR relationship.  I know He will deliver my friend out of the darkness.  And through their renewed relationship, they will be restored.  In the Bible it says we must deny ourselves so that we may focus on God.  God never denies us tho.  And sadly, many times we deny God.  I'm so glad He didn't us....and that He never will.  The promise that pulls me through anything, is the promise that Jesus died for our sins so we may live.....and  soon He will return to receive us.  So what happens on this earth, let it be.  I'm going home one day, where I can't be hurt or I can't hurt anyone, to live with God eternally.  Remain faithful.  Talk with God.  Nourish your relationship with God.  You will find the peace that surpasses all understanding. 

Ha Hou or Hou Ha

Last blog I mentioned that I might be getting a new job at the VA hospital; working in the pain clinic.  Well, I officially started working last wednesday.  I changed my status at Reche Canyon Rehab, left my vampire lifestyle & rotating schedule....and began a new adventure in an acute hospital, doing clinic, living a normal day life & trying to adapt to all the changes.  It's going.....ok so far.  Lol.  But I praise God for His guidance, direction & answers.  As scared and sad as I was, I know this is where I am to be.  So I accept.

Have you ever had feelings you know you shouldn't have, but have them anyway?  Have you ever suppressed them so long and so prayerfully that it becomes bearable?  Have you ever told someone how you still feel.....after 5 yrs....knowing it still can never be?  I do.  Sigh.  But at least I've seen....I know....someone out there does exist.  Out of my reach....and never to be held.....but a tangible person.  My words of jumbled thoughts & stammering sentences conveyed what I so long had felt.  It was received with grace & thankfulness.  It was reciprocated with an exchange of similar words & thoughts & admiration for my strength to speak my heart.  I am actually ok.  It is something I have lived with.  And maybe now, now that I've opened the vault and let my feelings pour out.....maybe I can find some closure....some way to move on.....some peace.

Tomorrow I work on my own for most of the day.  Lets see how I handle it.  But with God's ever-guiding hand & wisdom at my request, I know I'll do just fine.  Here's to something new!

Trippin' brah!

Our loving father Larry is phobic and a little bit insane over sharks. To the point that bodies of water, not made within his bathtub or shower, are forbidden & dangerous. Any word of his children going anywhere near a body of water, such as a pool, lake or ocean....& he is immediate in dispelling his utmost disapproval! Thus the reason I didn't tell him my mission trip was on a cruise! LOL! In attempts to turn us onto his bandwagon of fear for sharks, he sends articles on shark attacks; especially the ones that are "unbeknownst to the victim!" Most recently, there was an incident 8 miles off the coast of Oahu where 2 fisherman were on their boat & had just pulled in a marlin when a huge great white shark began to circle their boat....and kept circling....and circling.....and circling. The one guy video'd the experience, along with his verbal commentation which had me rollin' coz if you're local, the pidgin is so fresh & brings you back to da islands. Anyhow, the words that kept me laughing were "I trippin' brah....I trippin'!"

A few months ago, I was asked by my kuya, if I'd be willing to work in his department. There was an opening that would be available & he thought I would be a great asset to the position. Because this is the VA, there are many steps, ladders & paths that have to be taken before something becomes available to me....or an applicant. The position was finally agreed upon, created & formally listed for applicants. I applied. I'm one of the 6 final applicants weeded out. As much as my kuya wants to hire me, it has suddenly become apparent that I must interview to fight for THE spot. So it looks like I have a few weeks to prepare. Kuya called to give me a heads up about interviewing & tho I was quiet & calm in the car, I am literally "trippin' brah!" I'm an outsider trying to come inside. Because some of these applicants have veterans status or are in the veterans system, there has to be some preference extended to them. I can't dispute that. But I sit here thinking, what.....what about me do I feel or I think others feel/see are what make me a better & more qualified candidate for the position? So I must pray harder....not just for the job, but for God to tell me about myself....and just hope & pray that who I am, the nurse I am, will be what this position needs. So this is still all in God's hands.

I saw an illustration of 2 diggers digging paths to their goal. One was still digging & prolly had a couple feet to go. The other had dug his way to inches from his goal before turning around, walking away & giving up. So here I am, not wanting to be that 2nd digger. Like Paul.....I will press on.....tho' I still trippin' brah! LOL!