Ha Hou or Hou Ha

Last blog I mentioned that I might be getting a new job at the VA hospital; working in the pain clinic.  Well, I officially started working last wednesday.  I changed my status at Reche Canyon Rehab, left my vampire lifestyle & rotating schedule....and began a new adventure in an acute hospital, doing clinic, living a normal day life & trying to adapt to all the changes.  It's going.....ok so far.  Lol.  But I praise God for His guidance, direction & answers.  As scared and sad as I was, I know this is where I am to be.  So I accept.

Have you ever had feelings you know you shouldn't have, but have them anyway?  Have you ever suppressed them so long and so prayerfully that it becomes bearable?  Have you ever told someone how you still feel.....after 5 yrs....knowing it still can never be?  I do.  Sigh.  But at least I've seen....I know....someone out there does exist.  Out of my reach....and never to be held.....but a tangible person.  My words of jumbled thoughts & stammering sentences conveyed what I so long had felt.  It was received with grace & thankfulness.  It was reciprocated with an exchange of similar words & thoughts & admiration for my strength to speak my heart.  I am actually ok.  It is something I have lived with.  And maybe now, now that I've opened the vault and let my feelings pour out.....maybe I can find some closure....some way to move on.....some peace.

Tomorrow I work on my own for most of the day.  Lets see how I handle it.  But with God's ever-guiding hand & wisdom at my request, I know I'll do just fine.  Here's to something new!