oh child

My niece Sammie I call "child." Since she was born to my best friend & "ate" when we were 16 (she was 17)....I feel like for a bit she was my child. Well, she did have to live between her grandma & me for almost 6 months while her parents saved $ for a house (in colorado the daycare was $$$). Anyhow, 17 yrs later, she's once again at my home vacationing. I don't know how people do it. How do you raise up a kid as best as possible & hope & pray she turns out ok? How do you not mess up the kid? Who's to say you have a bad seed or a bright star? Well, I do think she's a beautiful young lady with many bright stars ahead of her. She's an obedient & willing child. She's got hopes & dreams....big ones too! I admire that about her. Taking her around to Pepperdine, USC & UCLA have been eye-opening for me as a former college student & as her aunty. Where has the time gone? And why didn't I strive to be in these colleges? Anyhow, I wish her the best. I pray God puts footprints in her heart & delivers her from any harm & danger that may cross her path.

I grew up with a "younger sister (actually cuzin)" who whined constantly. She's an adult now, but she can still whine. I guess growing up with it, I got use to it & just tuned it out. But it's very distinct. Sammie whines too. eek! I actually got annoyed. Whining/complaining about allergies, weather, sleep, my schedule.....ayah. Gimme a break child....I can't fix your allergies, but meds can (the fact they don't work, maybe they aren't allergies?).....I can't change the weather......sleep is overrated.....my schedule? I'm sorry it's not convenient since I'm a noc shift person. What can I say, she's been good....dealing with the mess in the house, the heat of the sun in our home, the doggie hair, the ants.....but do we have to complain over & over? I get it! But I can't change it & complaining/whining more about it does nothing. Oh....and the moaning & groaning she does when she awakes or has to wake up.....she better grow out of that quick before college. You'll miss sleep....what? Sleep? Oh sleep. Good luck. Besides, only little kids do that.....moan & groan when woken from sleep. Oh the joys of being the recipient of whining. No good hahaha!

The child is a special blessing tho. A gift from God. In the picture, God has a purpose for this girl. God gave Mel & Tony a child....one child....but a child nonetheless. And a wonderful brilliant child. We are all very thankful for her. We are all very blessed because of her. At the turn of the century, I remember telling one of my cousins that if I were to die today, I'd die happy and fulfilled. I know what it's like to be a daughter & loved. A sister & loved. A niece, cousin, granddaughter, aunty....and loved. I know what it's like to be loved. I know what it's like to have a child that you are like mommy to. Because of Sammie I can say that last part. In a sense, you can say she completes me. Obviously I didn't die the next day, so God's not done with me yet....more blessings to come. After 17 yrs, I'm still blessed by Sammie.

Awake & Alive

I just read my last entry on this blog. God is good & He got me through those times. To tell you how wonderful God is, here's how some things ended up. There are certain reasons for certain things. And there are certain people in your life who are there because God sent them. You never know who they are, but never think that the person you last hugged or recently faced isn't a God send because, they totally are.

The huge amt of $ I ended up losing from getting scammed through Avon was lended to me by my own cuz, Gwyndolyn. (Actually it's just Gwyn) I don't always see him, talk to him or hangout with him though he lives about 1/2 a mile from me, but he was there when I so desperately needed him. He was the answer to my heavy prayers of fear & anguish. Praise God for Gwynneth.

Because of the set-back of funds, I had to tell my best friend since the 2nd grade, Bev, & Mng J (her cuz & my lovely friend) that I was going to have to miss out on the bachelorette. I was honest about why & they both respected me for it. In the end of it, Mng J lent me $ to go on the trip. I had felt so guilty that I would miss the only bachelorette party my best friend since the 2nd grade would have....due to my naive mind in business. Sigh. But God sent me Mng J. She has been there for me through the years. And has taken care of me from LSU days till now. Sad, I feel like I'm one of those little sisters who never seems to learn her lesson & has a big sis to bail her out each time. But how amazing it was! God knew my heavy heart....and He sent me angels to help lighten the weight. It definitely was a burden uplifted.

Life muddles on & we do the best we can. Day to day, min to min, second to second. I feel like living life that way isn't always the best, but it's the best I can do now. So far, I have survived whatever strife has come my way. My hills & mtns may not be as big as others have...but mine are hard for me. I know life has more to throw at me, or more specifically, the devil has much more pain, fear, anger & worry to throw in my path & stack onto my shoulders, but God is my Redeemer & Saving Grace. So I need not worry. It's always hard to believe such simple words. Faith is a hard concept. I won't lie about that. But once you have it, it makes the world of difference.

Honestly I thought I had faith. But then when I read Hebrews, I realized my faith was not enough or not even faith. The faith I thought I had was just the words coming out of my mouth & the thoughts entering my head. It wasn't a true belief of mine because I wasn't acting like it. I realized the faith I was practicing was just letting bygones be bygones & not actually living like my battles were already won. I acted like I was already defeated. There is a big difference in the 2.

Ever heard of the Secret Society for Women? If not ladies, google it & sign up. Lisa Ling had this idea for a site. It's a site where you can start threads & discussions on topics, read on others experiences or just vent! It's nice to be able to randomly & anonymously throw out my thoughts onto a secret thread & have someone give feedback. Don't ever think you're the only one who knows how you feel. There are many like us out there with the same feelings & experiences. Share a thought or 2....give feedback....give advice....support a fellow woman. It's a great site.

It's 643am & I'm still not asleep. Lately I haven't been sleeping till about this time, on my off nights. I know something is wrong with me, but I'm not exactly sure if it's a mind thing or if it's coz I might have an ear infection. Either way, I'm here @ this early hour still awake. But now I will leave these words here & head to bed so I can get up to appear at a babyshower. Oh yah, God is showering my life with all my friends who are having babies. Can't wait! My God is great....isn't He?!

ups & downs.....i'm falling down

I just need to write because if I don't, I will probably run outside & walk aimlessly & accidentally into a skunk (I stopped doing my late night walks/jogs/biking because the skunks come out all the time now!). Or, just do something dumb....I wish the gym were open. I feel like crying, which is odd, but I know that's the hormones haha.

I'm feeling like I'm doing one of those downward-spiral falls into a hole. Do I try to please people too much? Am I selfish? Am I oblivious? Am I too trusting? Am I too gung-ho about things? Do I not do enough? I'm so confused. But suddenly I feel like all the bad things are happening to me & I know where this is leading. And it's not to a nice place. But why does it always happen around this time? The July/August/Sept months?

Recently, I had to call off work, which was absolutely necessary, for funerals. I missed 3 days of work, but of course it was worth it & had to be done. I figured I'd be able to catch up on any payments I made short on the next check. Well, I lost another 3 days because my physical for work became outdated & I missed the work physical appt with our MD because I ignored my alarm (I love delirium during sleep). So I had to have my MD do my physical (which was needed anyhow) but of course paperwork & such, and even getting the appt with my MD take time. So I lost 3 days of work. I was actually so happy when I returned to work....wierd. My check will not be a good check...and considering my bills & then the upcoming bachelorette party we're having in Laughlin for my lovely best friend since the 2nd grade.....I'll be short. I'm always at a lack of $ & I wish I wasn't. I wish I weren't in debt & I wish I could pay for a lot of things so my mom wouldn't have to. I already don't have time & money to fix my car so I share with my mom & brother their cars. I'm so tired.

Since I was 13, I've been driving. I've been pulled over & let go & I've gotten tickets for a cali stop & expired stickers....but never speeding, which everyone expected I'd have a couple. All of sudden, yesterday, while driving to Upland to train with my old trainer, I get pulled over for speeding. Well, I'll be able to do traffic school & what not, but I'm sure that ticket will be a pretty penny....what, like over $300? But I'm glad God sent me a nice cop....because a mean one would've made me cry or put me in a bad mood. I try not to be in bad moods.

I recently became an Avon Rep. I figured it might be a good experience for business & maybe easy since I can do things through the computer. Well, not as easy as I thought. I've received customers who've sought my help with their orders online. One of them I tried to help. They sent me the $, but sent me a money order for my amt & an amt I would send to the "shipping co" who'd pick up her Avon order for her & send it to her in the UK. So I would take this $, deposit in my bank, keep the $ for her order, & Western Union the rest to her designated person. Easy enough. Until the person I sent it to suddenly was in an accident & in a coma & now the person I need to send the $ to has to be changed. But too late, $ is no longer in my hands. So what....did I just get scammed? ugh....I don't know what to do. I try to be trusting...I try to help....sometimes I try to give more than I can.

So yah, I'm not in too much of a happy place. Life is probably going to get more complex in the next couple weeks. I may not be taking a vacay, like usual, during my birthday week because I now need the money. I'm praying harder now. But I feel like such a hypocrite because of course I'm praying harder now because life is harder now. I know God will provide for me. He always gives me my needs. He always comes through. It may not be as I have planned...but I know it's because it's His plans.

Last year, one of my coworkers, who I felt was a good Christian man, called me one day to tell me he needed to borrow money because he needed to bail out his daughter that morning. He didn't have all the money he needed. He had called one of our other coworkers, but she didn't answer. So I lent him the money. He said he'd pay me back the next payday. That day came & went. And for a couple days he was MIA. I called him @ work one night, when he was there....and he explained that he was MIA because he was in jail for a couple nights, due to his ex-wife. But he didn't forget & would pay me back the next day we worked together. Well, come to find out, he was into drugs. I never saw him again. I never saw my money again. Hey, there's a reason for everything right? I don't wish bad things on him, but I do hope he doesn't forget the kind gesture I gave him & extends it to someone in true need.

I don't know why I must write this depressing tale of woes. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest so that I can move on & praise God. I know He has plans for me. I know they are not what I may plan for myself, but I'm praying He just keeps me safe & keeps my loved ones safe too.

I don't know what to do, where I'm going or how I'm getting to where I need to go. One day at a time. My future is in God's hands. sigh....I pray tomorrow is a better day :)

uncertain

Today is a day of celebration for my cuzins; Aileen's baby girl & Amber's BS in Dental Hygiene. But once again, the dynamics of my family life are reminisced. The feelings of strain, disappointment, anxiety & depression once again filling my mind. My shoulder begins it's development of that knot that pinches off my nerves, my stomach starts to churn & my head starts to run & run & run. I am not afraid of anything, except to suffer indescribable pain & continue to live. Nope, I'm not afraid of death...unless preceded by the aforementioned (hehe). I should be certain of uncertainty for that has always been my life. I have not been one of those who expects things & gets it. I have not been one to plan this as my life & gets it. I have never been that one who enters a contest & gets it. I'm not the "gets it" person. So in my delirium of insomnia, I leave my thoughts in the usual whirlwind of uncertainty. I have no idea what will become of my family or me. I have no idea where things will begin, or sadly end. I say "sadly"....because I know, for us...it will never be a "happy" ending.

Bags

I'm just sitting here on my couch watching yet another episode of Law & Order....and as I sit here reading my cuzin's blog, I realize I have purses laying around this room. Most are mine...some are gifts....and then others...I haven't used them for a while. And to think, I still want another purse....no reason....I just want one. hahaha! Good thing I'm so tired & I've got work in a couple hrs....so I won't be heading to a store. Well, back to filling my cup with coffee.

Let's start again

(the only time you will see me on a skate park! thanks to hurley for letting me sneak in!)

I remember using this blog for updates. Then I went to Multiply...and I haven't been able to update that either since FACEBOOK. It was Xanga, Friendster, Myspace...now Facebook! But accessing ppl on Facebook is much better and there is no crazy requests of friendship from odd ppl.

I am still working in the same place, living in the same house, pretty much having the same frenz....with a handful more of good frenz to the already great circle of frenz I have.

I just recently went to the wedding of my ex-bf's sister. I just can't believe how grown up she is. And to make things worse, about the realization of how OLD I am, my 15 yr old niece was visiting at the time & joined me @ the wedding. Eek....I remember dating my ex-bf back in the day when his sister was going thru the highschool stages that my niece is going thru now! And back then, my niece was 2yrs old! Time flies? Sure does!

So have you ever asked yourself the question "if I could go back, what time frame would I go back to?" Some ppl would NEVER go back to highschool, some can't remember elementary years, most can't remember the toddler days, kudos to you if you remember infant time....many would like to go back to the college days....but mostly to do things over or do things another way. I guess I would love to do that era of my life in a different way. Have you ever thought how completely different your life now would be if you changed one little thing back then? Like if you had said "yes" one more time, taken one less class, made one more "A," called one minute early, shown up one hr late, said one less word....etc...taken one more look? Too bad we can't all have 3 spirits like Ebenezer Scrooge, to take us on a journey of 3 different lives...of one person. But would any of that make a difference now? And to what purpose? I still believe that everything has a reason and a season. I may not feel so perky about it now, but I still believe it. Do you?

Welcome back to me...

Wow, I had almost forgotten that I had this blogspot until just moments ago I had a thought..."I want to blog somewhere!" Just as quickly as that thought came, the answer "oh yah, I have 'lilo's thoughts!'" came to mind. Luckily I'm not too aged enough to forget my login and password. =) Ok, so I guess I have some updating to do considering the last entry I had was over 2 yrs ago. How time flies.


Speaking of time flies, I can't believe it's almost 2pm. I gotta get myself to nap for work tonite so I'm just gonna update on one thing....Work.

I still work at RCRHC as a nurse. I get floated all around from one station to the other & different runs. For the time being, I am on Documentation. Anyhow, it will be 3 yrs at this facility next month. I enjoy what I do but with the strains of life right now, I'm thinking I may need to change my job in order to facilitate future plans and current situations. We'll see...I have to follow up on a job application I sent in through my uncle, months ago. The hrs will be different and so will the job description. It will have it's own challenges, but with all the challenges I've been throught with RCRHC, I'm sure I'll adapt. So here are some recent pics with my coworkers from the last couple months.Rae Phoebe Grace Aurora Jill Katrina

Rae & my ading ko Eunice


Jamie Sheila Rae Jessie Cleo Tasha Neng Manny Elizabeth

Ok, so when I'm off the next few days, I'll be back to update.

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

It's a slideshow! hahaha

where is J?

Lilo's thoughts

Gosh it's been a very long time since I entered anything here! With work, J, family & frenz....I've just become internet unfriendly. But I'm back. Almost 6 months later, J & I are hitting our first "growing pains," I still work, Demy & Ren's upcoming wedding is starting to busy me (just got 2 wedding invites in the mail), everyone is either getting married, having a baby, graduating or celebrating some kind of birfday hehehehe! God's remained faithful to me....of course I falter & haven't maintained my faith. I keep praying tho....Well, lemme try & post up some pics....

CALI ADVENTURE! We went to California Adventure before the "2day 2fer" expired (30 days from when i used it for Disneyland).


This would be my Hunnie with the bug! hehehe!

Here I am taking a pic with THE BEVERLY! ...yah ..... cheesy....
























We're good lookin if I say so myself hahahaha!























HAU'OLI LA HANAU....to Henry & Gabriel. We celebrated their days @ Spag Fac in Riverside. Gabriel's theme was Power Rangers.....can you tell?!
















STETSON MAN!.....I've been doing some shopping...and NOT FOR ME! hahahah! These were a pair of jeans that FITTED J....hehehe!
















PRINCESS BIRTHDAY......My nieces, Jasmine & Lilli, celebrated their 5th & 1st bdays together. It was a princess theme. So Minmei was "princess jasmine" & Lilli was "princess tiger lilli." cute huh? Well, here's J & I with the young princess tiger lilli.....



























OUT 2 SIMI.....J's best friend, Richie, was visiting down south with his pregger wife Haley. I finally got to meet the lovely Haley. We even got to shop together @ Walmart! We bowled & had fun that night!

















LAKERS! A couple days before Valentines, J brought me to my first Lakers game @ the Staples Center. I was so excited! I even ate one of those "really bad for you" hotdogs that J LOVES outside the Staples Center. hehehe! J got us such awesome seats, I could see sweat on the players foreheads & see that Kareem Abdul Jabar is forming wrinkles.






























Ok, enuf posting for now, I'm sleepy! hehehe! HAPPY MOMMIEE DAY TO EVERYONE!

one month

today marks a month....30 days (i think) hahahah....since J & I decided to do the couple thing! here's that first pic amber took of us when we got to her house to tell them all.....J & I are doing well & having fun...and just spending time together & with all our frenz......but poor guy has been sick for the last week....and last nite, he got bad again.....i'm tryin to nurse him back to health....stoopid flu!! well, hope all are doing well & getting christmassy! don't get sick! and if you do, don't pass it on....mahalo!

oh yah, goin home to 'nalo @ da end o da month! aloha to me!

happiness in J

so uexpected but so wonderful....is my answered prayer.....

His name is Jason....but I fondly call him "J"

Busy today & hopefully not 2moro....

I went to the coffee shop to study. Got a call from my mom that important papers needed to be faxed. Spent waaaay too long faxing. And since I was in the vicinity of the mall, I decided to exchange my shirt @ Forever 21. Bad idea....took me over a hour to find something to buy & exchange. Went back to study and had a msg that my nephew's game was in 30 min & since it's the last home game, they wanted all the SCREAMERS. So I went. Den went home to get my avon order, and then......I decided to update my xanga. HAHAHAHA! I was busy with nothing. Double duty on studying 2moro then. eek!

My beloved cuzin, who's in her honeymooney relationship, wants her loved ones to be just as happy. One of them being me. She has suggested I get together with this guy we're both frenz with. Considering my recent "detachment".....DATING is a scary word in all aspects. DATING someone who's my good friend is even SCARIER!!!! I have to admit, that since she's put it in my mind, I have thought about it. He's a great guy. But still, SCARY concept....not the guy....just the DATING. HAHAHAHHA!

K, here's a couple pics.....

Friday nite @ Kairos, I know God called me to go. I went becoz I had to sing with the praise team....and what a great blessing that was. But with Pastor Jon visiting & seeing my frenz....it was definitely a nite I knew God had me planned for. Here's Jon & Wendy....

Demy & Ren are having Pastor Jon marry them
Am is trying to take a Sabbath afternoon nappie while I try to do things to her in her sleep...hehehe!

Gotta love your manang! Here's Ings & I at the frustrating game between her bf's team & da team that won the championship! You can't see it, but my sweatshirt says "cheerleader!" I sure was!!!

Fletcher & Lyn....I love these 2! I hope Fletcher's team is ok after playing an aggressive basketball game & league!

Ok, after a very inspirational sermon, we decided to eat @ Souplantation. Check this link & you'll see why Jason is lookin a lil embarassed....that okole doesn't belong to me....it was some random gal!
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/bubblychang/IMG_7695.jpg

Sexy Hanny strutts his stuff! I luv this guy....you can't NOT smile when he's around!

J, Ings & I are lovin the game we're watching....so much so, we're taking pics of ourselves!

This is Hugo BOSS who loves my cuzin so much, he's dating her!

My sistahs....Valerie, Jane & ME!

hahahahah! it's the 3 musketeers together again! and we're still quirky!

Jane & I are gonna be Demy's bridesmaids next August 19!!! Woohoo!

So long it has been...so where am I?

Sorry folks, I have been MIA from this blogspot (hehehe) & even from my normal habitation on xanga (http://www.xanga.com/humuniki). Anyhow, my lovely friend Jannine has joined the bloggers of the world & so it inspired me to blog. Many bdays have been going on. There have been weddings & wedding festivities. Babies...well, babies have yet to pop out, but the ones that have, are growing @ an ever-ready rapid pace. And then, besides what is now moving into what is what....I have also been going back in time with photos & memories....all some good & some bad. HAHAHAHA! So I'll just share those....


This is indeed what you think it is a picture of, BUT....my purpose was to display the shirt's illustration!!!! Geez....ppl...HAHAHHAA! Currently, Yammerz is involved in another season of flagball intramurals. They've only played one game so far but they kicked butt with the final score being 58-0 (or something outrageous like that!) I gave up counting TD's coz in the last half, I was the DownsMarker!

Ok, I don't know how this format is actually turning out, but hopefully everyone can understand the captions to each pic. Well, this snowy photo is of 3 of my buddies freezing in winter in Dec '03. Shel & Ry went to visit Neen in NY. Don't they look bundled?! cute...

Ok, Shel's gonna kill me for these pics hahahahah.....but what she doesn't see & doesn't know about, oh wellz hahahahah....

Ok, so Shel & I haven't aged in 3 yrs right?....











Ok, now some pix with Neen....



So YEAH! I didn't lose this long post! Whew.....all my pretty (and handsome) frenz! I'll post more....actually i have a very un-kosher pic to post hahahahah....MUHAHAHAH!

minmei-kaikai-kyra

Life is getting better. Ever heard of "crush the crush?" Well, my Ate Es referred me to it. I'm still searching for this intervention, but I have the the idea of what it's about. It's nice to know that you're never alone. And that when you can't do it...someone helps you.

But I got to spend an afternoon with my nieces. I love this ohana. Can't wait til mine comes around....but that's years from now. HAHAHA!

much to tell...but for now.....

I'm back from an incredible & unbelievable week @ Pine Springs Ranch teaching Praise Hula for teen week. I want to go into many details on how God was so real to me but it would be a blog of pages & pages hahahah! But I just wanted to express the other side of me that is completely opposite, but is relying on the better side of me to get thru. I'm hurt. So hurt, I don't even know it. So much so, God's intervening by sending me people to be with....that way I am not alone & not sinking into one of those dark places. Alright....i'm tired, drained & just out of words....heheheh! sigh

gone

Spent another day with familia, frenz & MINMEI! HAHAHA! Here's a pic from the last time we hung out....SHAKAHZ!

I will be gone to Pine Springs Ranch for the coming week. For the last week of camp this summer, I am teaching Praise Hula to 10 teen girls between the ages 13-17. I'm praying God will guide & inspire me. I really don't know what to expect becoz I don't have much experience teaching hula. And the little experience I had was very difficult. I'm kinda nervous & anxious @ the same time, but I know I will be truly blessed by this experience. Sabbath, these girls will perform for church. And then Sunday evening, mah sistahs & braddahs will join me up @ camp, to open the Youth Spirit Fest. I know a lot of things have been keeping me from putting a lot of practice & organization into my prep for this coming week. I know the devil is trying to get me & keep me from doing what I need to do. But I'm hanging in there & this week will turn out. Okiee....I pray everyone has a wonderful week. Much aloha....

engagements

So our lil family of frenz & family.....we've now got 2 couples who are headed down the aisle next summer/fall. We celebrated the most recent engagement, with Renel & Ydem, last nite. It was very cute coz the 2 couples congratulated eachother & then the engaged girlies sat together & chatted about their plans. Moon & Jess will be married labor day weekend next year. Ren & Demy will be married....hopefully in August.

There are many other couples in Yammerz who we're debating will be next to don the ring & say "i do." The rest of us, well....we're either still checkin out mister/miss possible....or we haven't met them yet. I'm not feeling the urge to get married yet....but I am feeling the urge for these ppl to pop out babies! HAHAHAH!

While we were at the basketball games yesterday, I took this pic of Demy's ring....


Great job Ren....hehehe!

READAY

I read & finished my nicholas sparks book today. I should've been doing other things, but I figured the environment outside the confines of my shelter didn't feel or look too good so I figured a day of staying in would be good. And pretty much, I stayed on my couch & read my book.

My friend Heang made the analogy of friendship being either "wine" or "milk." You want friendships to get finer with time.....and not get sour & spoiled like milk does in time. Very cool....I'm praying for WINE....I'm praying hard!

so where does coffee fit in?! HAHAHAHA!

sleepless to sleepful

The last couple days, I've been fighting headaches & lightheadedness & mild dizzy spells. Yah, I prolly got a brain tumor....or as my Ate Es might say, I might be going thru caffeine withdrawals like her husband, Kuya Joey, went through. I think it's my intolerance to the heat. I usually can tolerate heat better than cold, but this year has been an interesting year. I've just gotten a lot more sensitive to things. Oh wellz....anyhow, I was kinda having a hard time sleeping....so I prayed for God to help me sleep & I promise I'd do some of my project the next day. So here I am, ... I've slept....now my part is pending....

will Rae do as she promised? God came through hehehehe....I guess we'll see...but of course I will. My notes are right in front of me =)

Oh....and that's my cuzin & her bf...hehehe! Aren't they so cute?!!!