I'm feeling like I'm doing one of those downward-spiral falls into a hole. Do I try to please people too much? Am I selfish? Am I oblivious? Am I too trusting? Am I too gung-ho about things? Do I not do enough? I'm so confused. But suddenly I feel like all the bad things are happening to me & I know where this is leading. And it's not to a nice place. But why does it always happen around this time? The July/August/Sept months?
Recently, I had to call off work, which was absolutely necessary, for funerals. I missed 3 days of work, but of course it was worth it & had to be done. I figured I'd be able to catch up on any payments I made short on the next check. Well, I lost another 3 days because my physical for work became outdated & I missed the work physical appt with our MD because I ignored my alarm (I love delirium during sleep). So I had to have my MD do my physical (which was needed anyhow) but of course paperwork & such, and even getting the appt with my MD take time. So I lost 3 days of work. I was actually so happy when I returned to work....wierd. My check will not be a good check...and considering my bills & then the upcoming bachelorette party we're having in Laughlin for my lovely best friend since the 2nd grade.....I'll be short. I'm always at a lack of $ & I wish I wasn't. I wish I weren't in debt & I wish I could pay for a lot of things so my mom wouldn't have to. I already don't have time & money to fix my car so I share with my mom & brother their cars. I'm so tired.
Since I was 13, I've been driving. I've been pulled over & let go & I've gotten tickets for a cali stop & expired stickers....but never speeding, which everyone expected I'd have a couple. All of sudden, yesterday, while driving to Upland to train with my old trainer, I get pulled over for speeding. Well, I'll be able to do traffic school & what not, but I'm sure that ticket will be a pretty penny....what, like over $300? But I'm glad God sent me a nice cop....because a mean one would've made me cry or put me in a bad mood. I try not to be in bad moods.
I recently became an Avon Rep. I figured it might be a good experience for business & maybe easy since I can do things through the computer. Well, not as easy as I thought. I've received customers who've sought my help with their orders online. One of them I tried to help. They sent me the $, but sent me a money order for my amt & an amt I would send to the "shipping co" who'd pick up her Avon order for her & send it to her in the UK. So I would take this $, deposit in my bank, keep the $ for her order, & Western Union the rest to her designated person. Easy enough. Until the person I sent it to suddenly was in an accident & in a coma & now the person I need to send the $ to has to be changed. But too late, $ is no longer in my hands. So what....did I just get scammed? ugh....I don't know what to do. I try to be trusting...I try to help....sometimes I try to give more than I can.
So yah, I'm not in too much of a happy place. Life is probably going to get more complex in the next couple weeks. I may not be taking a vacay, like usual, during my birthday week because I now need the money. I'm praying harder now. But I feel like such a hypocrite because of course I'm praying harder now because life is harder now. I know God will provide for me. He always gives me my needs. He always comes through. It may not be as I have planned...but I know it's because it's His plans.
Last year, one of my coworkers, who I felt was a good Christian man, called me one day to tell me he needed to borrow money because he needed to bail out his daughter that morning. He didn't have all the money he needed. He had called one of our other coworkers, but she didn't answer. So I lent him the money. He said he'd pay me back the next payday. That day came & went. And for a couple days he was MIA. I called him @ work one night, when he was there....and he explained that he was MIA because he was in jail for a couple nights, due to his ex-wife. But he didn't forget & would pay me back the next day we worked together. Well, come to find out, he was into drugs. I never saw him again. I never saw my money again. Hey, there's a reason for everything right? I don't wish bad things on him, but I do hope he doesn't forget the kind gesture I gave him & extends it to someone in true need.
I don't know why I must write this depressing tale of woes. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest so that I can move on & praise God. I know He has plans for me. I know they are not what I may plan for myself, but I'm praying He just keeps me safe & keeps my loved ones safe too.
I don't know what to do, where I'm going or how I'm getting to where I need to go. One day at a time. My future is in God's hands. sigh....I pray tomorrow is a better day :)
Since I was 13, I've been driving. I've been pulled over & let go & I've gotten tickets for a cali stop & expired stickers....but never speeding, which everyone expected I'd have a couple. All of sudden, yesterday, while driving to Upland to train with my old trainer, I get pulled over for speeding. Well, I'll be able to do traffic school & what not, but I'm sure that ticket will be a pretty penny....what, like over $300? But I'm glad God sent me a nice cop....because a mean one would've made me cry or put me in a bad mood. I try not to be in bad moods.
I recently became an Avon Rep. I figured it might be a good experience for business & maybe easy since I can do things through the computer. Well, not as easy as I thought. I've received customers who've sought my help with their orders online. One of them I tried to help. They sent me the $, but sent me a money order for my amt & an amt I would send to the "shipping co" who'd pick up her Avon order for her & send it to her in the UK. So I would take this $, deposit in my bank, keep the $ for her order, & Western Union the rest to her designated person. Easy enough. Until the person I sent it to suddenly was in an accident & in a coma & now the person I need to send the $ to has to be changed. But too late, $ is no longer in my hands. So what....did I just get scammed? ugh....I don't know what to do. I try to be trusting...I try to help....sometimes I try to give more than I can.
So yah, I'm not in too much of a happy place. Life is probably going to get more complex in the next couple weeks. I may not be taking a vacay, like usual, during my birthday week because I now need the money. I'm praying harder now. But I feel like such a hypocrite because of course I'm praying harder now because life is harder now. I know God will provide for me. He always gives me my needs. He always comes through. It may not be as I have planned...but I know it's because it's His plans.
Last year, one of my coworkers, who I felt was a good Christian man, called me one day to tell me he needed to borrow money because he needed to bail out his daughter that morning. He didn't have all the money he needed. He had called one of our other coworkers, but she didn't answer. So I lent him the money. He said he'd pay me back the next payday. That day came & went. And for a couple days he was MIA. I called him @ work one night, when he was there....and he explained that he was MIA because he was in jail for a couple nights, due to his ex-wife. But he didn't forget & would pay me back the next day we worked together. Well, come to find out, he was into drugs. I never saw him again. I never saw my money again. Hey, there's a reason for everything right? I don't wish bad things on him, but I do hope he doesn't forget the kind gesture I gave him & extends it to someone in true need.
I don't know why I must write this depressing tale of woes. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest so that I can move on & praise God. I know He has plans for me. I know they are not what I may plan for myself, but I'm praying He just keeps me safe & keeps my loved ones safe too.
I don't know what to do, where I'm going or how I'm getting to where I need to go. One day at a time. My future is in God's hands. sigh....I pray tomorrow is a better day :)
