Oh Boy

My friend Edward has this uncanny ability to remember things; mostly numbers, but unfortunately other people's unhappy memories. Anyhow, within the last month, a couple weeks prior to our voyage to the Caribbean aboard "Cruise with a Mission (CWM)," Edward asked the question, "do you remember your first memory of me?" Edward and I were with our friend Fidi, eating at IHOP one late night. Because I am familiar with the mind of Ed, I became worried over a memory he had of me, that I probably buried & now am unable to dig up. By the uncomfortable giggles from Fidi, I realized Fidi knew this memory; obviously told to him by Ed. Great, between the 3 of us, Fidi & Ed know this memory about ME! I'm the one who can't remember. Wonderful. I was now very intrigued by this memory Ed had of me. I knew Ed when I was in highschool; he was in college. All I could uncover in my memory bank was the highschool infatuation I had for Ed. I thought for sure Ed's memory nugget had to do with that & that it would be so embarrassing hearing how he might've overheard my dreams about him. Instead, it became apparent that there USE to be a recording of this memory. Oh even better. Ed said he erased it so there is no more evidence; tho it's still in his mind. How convenient. Ed would not speak the memory & neither would Fidi. So Ed made an agreement with me to tell me on the cruise. Cruise came & he would not tell me, for reasons I might not have a good experience on the trip. So then he promised on sunday he'd tell me. Sunday came & went. So now it's Thursday evening & I finally got to hear the memory I have no recollection of.

We had Midnite Breffy. We had great times laughing & avoiding cruise talk. Of course you can't NOT talk about the cruise coz there are so many hilarious memories. But we kept to our rule of not talking about other cruise "business." Afterwards, Ed had to take James to his aunties' house & then Fidi to his car & me, home. James got to his aunties' house & Ed was ready to take me home. He finally spoke the memory I so longed to hear. I was astounded by the horrible fact that I was a jerk and said a mean thing about Ed....and by the fact he was eavesdropping on a private conversation between his sister, his best friend & me....and also because he was trying to be spy-like & recorded the conversation!!! I wasn't sure if I was more embarrassed by my juvenile & rude comment or by the fact that Ed had caught me on tape saying what I said! Fidi was dying in the front seat & wanted, very badly, to not be in the car at this time. Ed got into the turning lane to take me home but I yelled for him to drop Fidi off first so we could talk! Fidi "oo'd" Ed & then was thankful that he would soon escape whatever wrath might come about. We got to Fidi's car. Fidi got out in a hurry & I moved from the backseat to the front seat, I bid Fidi farewell & then proceeded to turn my attention to Ed. I don't know if I started hitting Ed's arm first or I yelled at him. I don't even remember what I yelled first! This was the story.....So Ed recorded me calling him fat, his sister & best friend laughed along with me & didn't defend Ed's honor against my comment, and Ed listened to that recording every day for at least a year and a half, if not 2 yrs! I think I was in a whirlwind of emotions....from embarrassment, to perturbedness, to sadness. Not to mention "why, why, why!" kept throbbing in my head. I was embarrassed because I had made that comment. It's not a comment that is flattering or warming. It's mean & just rude. I was perturbed because I couldn't believe how psycho Ed was for eavesdropping, recording it & then repeating the recording as a daily routine. I was sad because I said a mean thing about a person that disturbed & hurt him.

We finally got to my house & remained in the car to talk some more. I guess that was almost 20 yrs ago when those words were said & he began an unsettling routine. Ed's right. It was so highschool. But a lot of what happens in our teens sets our minds up for the future. Thinking about how he replayed those words about him, my voice, over & over again for almost 730 days, sometimes 2x a day, makes me cringe. If I had been him, I think I would've drove myself crazy. Thankfully he realized that it wasn't good & that he needed to stop listening to it. He knew it needed to be erased in order for it not to linger. Oh, he still remembers it, since he did implant it in his brain by listening to it at least once a day for almost 730 days, but at least the evidence is gone & it can't be repeated for another set of ears to hear. I can't believe that's his first memory of me. How horrible! It's a wonder we're still friends now. (hahaha) I told him that I'm surprised I said such a thing since what I remember of those days was my crazy stupid crush on him! I say crazy stupid because it was literally one of those highschool dramatics! Boy, memories from those days are starting to flood back. Unfortunately the term "inner tube" has also unburied itself so I really can't dispute Ed's memory now. But he did say he was more hurt by the lack of defense on his sister & his friend's part. I guess it was more evidence against them than it was against me. But still.....really? Listening to the words of a highschool teen saying you're fat everyday?! Oh Ed....how you amaze me sometimes! I am thankful we are still friends and that what has happened in the past isn't hurting our friendship for the present & future. I guess it's not so bad we grow up & we get older. I guess there's something to this getting "older & wiser" phrase.

Sometimes we don't realize that the words we say are harmful to people, because we don't tell them to their faces. If they can't hear it, if they don't know it & if they don't see it....then they are clueless. But on a rare occasion, something gets heard, spoken or seen....what then? So better not to say something than say something bad or harmful. But for many of us who don't always have that filter, thankfully there is forgiveness. sigh....I'm thinking of our snowflake craft we did for VBS exemplifying "forgiveness" and how Jesus cleans us "white as snow." Thanks Ed for telling me. And sorry I hurt you.